


hold me through the night

by Mayarene Rose (Paradise_of_Mary_Jane)



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Pre-Slash, Rehab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 04:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paradise_of_Mary_Jane/pseuds/Mayarene%20Rose
Summary: Roy gets a visitor in rehab.





	hold me through the night

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this but my job is driving me crazy and I really need to write something I actually enjoy so yes. this exists.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Dick’s hair is a mess. 

It’s an absolute mess, windswept and sticking up in every direction possible and some directions that really shouldn’t be possible. It’s probably the stupidest thing Roy could have noticed.  _ It tells him absolutely nothing.  _ Dick’s hair is always a mess. Roy would probably have found out more if Dick’s hair was neat and tidy because it never was. 

But right now, Dick’s hair is a mess and it’s the only thing Roy can see. 

He can’t really make himself look at anything else.

(He can’t make himself look at Dick’s pale face, the way his arms are trembling ever so slightly, or how he’s swaying on his feet.

There’s exhaustion in every line of Dick’s body and  _ Roy can’t make himself look at any of that. _ )

“You look like shit.” His voice comes out hoarse with disuse. He hasn’t really said anything since he got here. The nurses tried to get him to talk sometimes, and the people at NA did, in the beginning, but Roy didn't really have anything to say. They all gave up after a while.

Everyone gives up after a while.

Dick is quiet, jaw clenched. Something about the way he’s standing is forcing Roy to glance at his eyes, at his face, even for just a few seconds. 

For a moment, Roy expects to get punched. He’d definitely deserve it.

Then, in the space of a breath, Roy suddenly finds himself with an armful of Dick Grayson. 

The bed in rehab’s completely utilitarian, all white sheets and thin covers. It’s pretty hard and Dick pushes Roy until he’s up against the concrete wall, the cold metal frame digging into his back. Roy doesn’t mind. Dick smells like gasoline and fresh air. He must’ve taken his bike all the way from Gotham. It sounds like something he would do.

“You asshole,” Dick says, voice muffled by Roy’s shoulder. He’s wrapped his arm around Roy’s neck and Roy’s head is screaming at him  _ hug him back hug him back hug him back  _ but he can’t make his arms move. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Time’s working a little weirdly for Roy right now. He’s not even sure how much time has passed since Dinah’ dropped him off at the rehab center. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s moved from the bed, since he’s eaten anything, since he’d last spoken to another human being. 

He doesn’t really know how much time passes before Dick lets go. It was probably only less than a minute but it could have been hours. It could have been days. It could have been years and it still wouldn’t have been enough.

Dick lets go and Roy misses his warmth almost immediately. The covers are thin and Roy’s been shivering for days now.

“How’d you get here?” He’s not even sure where  _ here  _ is. He knows Dinah told him at some point, and some other people did as well when he asked, but Roy’s mind is a blur most days, ever since he got into heroin. His thoughts are foggy and disjointed. Trying to make sense of what’s happening is trying to go through a bog. Roy doesn’t even bother trying.

“Dinah called me,” Dick says. He steps away from Roy, standing a little distance away from the bed. Roy wants to make him stay, to sit so close to Roy that their shoulders are pressed together like they did when they were kids. 

He gets why Dick would want to stay away, though. He doesn’t really blame him. His hands are shaking right now and there’s no place to hide them.

“Dinah called you,” Roy echoes. At the same time Dick blurts out,

“I’m sorry.”

Roy stares. Dick does look sorry. He has that look. His eyes are wide and he looks like he’s two seconds away from crying. Jesus fuck. Roy flinches away without meaning to. He tries to play it off, crossing his arms over his chest, but well. 

He’s talking to Dick Grayson and it’s not like Roy’s anywhere near his best right now.

He pastes on a smile. His face feels all stiff and he’s pretty sure he looks more crazy than genuinely happy but it’s the best he can do right now. It’s a goddamn miracle he even managed it. The trembling may be getting worse but he’s not sure.

Roy opens his mouth. He doesn’t know what he’s gonna say but he wants to wipe that look off Dick’s face. He gets why Dick’s upset with him. Roy is too. He’d be pretty fucking sorry too, if he saw how much Roy’s fucked up.

Roy’s already really fucking sorry as it is.

He wonders what Dinah said. Dick looks like he came here in a hurry. There was a time when Dick would come running at the hint of Roy being in trouble but that was a long time ago. He’s been pretty busy for a while now. He hadn’t even thought Dick or any of the others would want to visit him. Must’ve been a sense of duty or something. Dick definitely has a lot of that. Go and comfort your junkie friend, make sure he doesn’t screw up more than he already has.

That doesn't really sound like something Dick would do but Roy wouldn't put it past him.

“Stop that,” Dick snaps, dragging Roy out of the haze again. He looks up. Dick sits at the edge of the bed. Not close enough to touch but closer. The bed dips slightly. “Whatever you’re thinking is wrong so stop it.”

“You always know what I’m thinking, don’t you, boss?” The words taste like ash in his mouth. Roy couldn’t have stopped them if he tried.

A look flits across Dick’s face, there and gone in a single moment. It might have been hurt. Roy thinks he might have just imagined it. He doesn’t really trust his mind right now.

“I’m sorry,” Dick repeats. The words grate on Roy’s nerves. He thinks he might be getting angry. He thinks he wants to scream. He thinks he definitely wants to break something right now.

“Stop that,” he says. “What the hell are you even sorry for?” Sorry for knowing Roy? For being friends with him? For believing in him, trusting him, when Roy was really just meant to be a fuck-up.

Dick held on the longest and Roy managed to push him away. And now Dick’s sorry. For seeing him like this now, all torn apart and broken? For not being able to  _ save him _ ? Roy thinks it’s fury blooming in his chest. It’s almost unfamiliar. It almost overwhelms him. He knows Dick well enough. They all have their own hero complexes. 

He doesn’t want Dick’s pity.

“For not being there for you,” Dick says simply. Like it was obvious. Roy wants to scream. Otherwise, he might start crying.

“I said stop it,” Roy says. It comes out sharper than he intended. His voice cracks near the end. It comes out like a sob. “You don’t have to save me. I’m doing just  _ fine. _ ” Which is probably the biggest and worst lie he’s ever told.

Roy  _ hates  _ himself right now.

“I’m not here to save you,” Dick says. “I’m here because I’m your friend. And I’m pretty sure you need a friend right now.”

Sometimes, Dick says things with such blatant sincerity it makes Roy want to tear his hair out. He doesn’t sound real. He sounds more like a goody guy than freakin’ Superman. The words are stuck in Roy’s throat so he just grunts and tries to look at anything but Dick.

“The others wanted to come, too,” Dick says. “But…”

“Let me guess,” Roy says. “They were too busy.”

“We didn’t want to overwhelm you,” Dick says. “We’re a lot, if you haven’t noticed yet.”

“So they sent you.”

Dick shrugs. Roy feels it. He scoots a little closer. Roy can reach out and touch him if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. Neither does Dick.

“It was either me or Donna,” he says. “I volunteered.”

It sounded so much like Dick it makes Roy hysterical. He can see how that conversation goes so clearly: Wally standing off to the side, arms crossed over his chest, not volunteering because it’s not like he ever liked Roy in the first place. He probably saw it coming miles away. Garth in the shadows, not saying anything either. He doesn’t talk much but Roy’s pretty sure he’s gonna find something from him a while from now.

And in the center of the room, Dick and Donna. Not arguing because those two don’t argue, but kind of arguing, too. Who gets to go to Roy first, the two of them mother hens in their own right. Always wanting to take care of everyone. Always thinking they can save the whole wide world.

Always treating Roy like he’s their world. It’s enough to drive him crazy sometimes.

And of course Dick would have won that argument. Dick always gets his way, one way or the other.

“Well I’m fine,” Roy says. He spreads his arms and juts out his chin. Forces himself to look Dick in the eye. Ready for inspection and ready to be found wanting. It’s pathetic, really, if he thinks about it.

Dick’s eyes are raking over him, taking everything in greedily. Hungrily. Like he hasn’t seen Roy in decades.

It hasn’t been that long. Roy can’t remember the last time they talked that didn’t end in a fight but it hadn’t been that long. Right?

“Roy,” he says softly.  _ He still won’t come closer.  _ Roy thinks he’s gonna go crazy just from looking at him. “You’re not fine.”

“Fine,” Roy snaps. “I’m not. I feel like I’m gonna crawl out of my skin and you have no idea the lengths I’m gonna go for a hit right now. I don’t really know what’s going on right now and I’m not sure what’s real and what’s some fucked up hallucination. But I’m dealing. Dinah already paid for this place and I’m not leaving anytime soon. I’ll be  _ fine. _ ”

He has to be. He’s going to be. Roy is a series of bad decisions on top of a lot of fuck-ups but he always comes out alive, doesn’t he? Whether he likes it or not, he always comes out alive.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Dick says. “We’re here for you.”

“You weren’t before.”

Dick flinches. Roy’s chest is heaving. He thinks he might be crying, too, or close to crying. That’s something he hasn’t done in a while, too. Not since Dinah. Not since Ollie.

He hasn’t really felt much since then. The world had felt like it was in a thick fog and Roy felt like he was in a glass box with all of his mistakes. Nothing’s made sense for a while now.

Trust Dick to change that.

He runs a hand through his hair. He wants to be anywhere but here right now. He wants things to go back to a time where they weren’t so bad. He wants to close his eyes and open them to a world where he actually felt like a person.

“Look, don’t apologize again,” Roy says. “Because I might actually punch you if you do but just. I’m gonna beat it. I’m gonna get better and I’m gonna get out of this place.”  _ I’m gonna prove everyone who never believed in me wrong. _

Dick is close now, so close that their knees are brushing against each other. He places a hand on Roy’s shoulder. It makes his breath catch in his throat. Dick’s hair is a mess. His eyes are very, very blue. He looks like Roy like he believes in him.

“I know you can,” Dick says. “And we’ll be with you the entire way.”

Dick says this seriously, so full of sincerity, that Roy can’t help but believe him. He sounds like Robin when he's ready to tear the world apart to win a fight. He sounds like Dick Grayson does when he knows he’s going to get his way or die trying. The thought makes Roy giddy for some reason. He thinks he should be mad, but being mad at Dick for being a stubborn son of a bitch is like getting mad at him for having messy hair; it’s part of him. You either learn to live with it and love it or you didn’t. Dick says things and he makes them happen. Roy can’t help but believe in him.

Only Dick Grayson can make Roy feel this way while he’s in freakin’ rehab. The man’s a miracle worker.

He laughs. It sounds rough and not like a laugh at all but it’s also the first time he’s laughed in a long time. He wants to keep the sound and that feeling in his chest and save it for the days when it feels like he’ll never laugh again.

Dick looks surprised. His eyes are soft while he looks at Roy.

“There’s nothing I can do to stop you guys is there?” Roy asks.

“No,” says Dick.

“I’m probably going to be an asshole for a pretty long time,” Roy says. “I’m going to say a lot of things I don’t mean and a lot of things I do mean. I’m probably gonna fight you guys a lot.”

Dick snorts. “Just a regular day with the Teen Titans then,” he says.

“It’s gonna take a while.”

“You don’t really have a deadline.”

“I don’t want to see them,”Roy says quietly. “Not right now.”

“They’ll wait for you,” Dick says. His face goes blank.”Do you want me to go, too?”

“No!” Roy grabs Dick’s forearm. He’s probably holding on tight enough to hurt but Dick doesn’t even seem to notice. Roy forces his fingers to unclench but he doesn’t let go. “No. Stay. I want you to stay.”

“Okay,” Dick says. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

Roy breathes a sigh of relief. Dick smiles slightly and pulls him into another hug. This time, Roy falls into it easily, gripping Dick just as tight.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i'm acediscowlng on tumblr, if you want to chat :D


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